Heavy thoughts here. I just need to vent. I am a product of a teenage mom. She was 17 when she had me and I lived with her and my grandmother for the first 12 years of my life.
During that time she never worked besides babysitting gigs. Needless to say she only had a high school education and no plans for college.
She was always in abusive relationships since I can remember. My biological father didn’t stick around. I don’t know that I ever met him and if I did I was too young to remember.
For 10 plus years she was in a verbally abusive relationship with an alcoholic. My mother is a very meek, weak person.
Life is that situation was traumatic. General idea of my upbringing was landlord banging on door for rent, electricity being cut off, weekend benders, bringing his strange friends home. Yet none of that made her leave. Nor did she work. Looking back I get so mad that she put up with it so long.
It was until he had a warrant for arrest and he ran out the back. My mom knew where he ran to. The corner bar. I probably was around 12 or 13 at the time and I remember telling them where he was because I wanted them to catch him. I was tired of living like that.
Eventually he got out of house arrest and it started all over again. House arrest did not stop him from partying. I eventually got kicked out for having a cell phone. This is when nokia phones started to become popular.
He thought I was being spoiled. So he kicked me out and I went back to live with my grandma. It took my mom about another 1 year before she left.
I just recently found out that she left in the night. I dont think he would of hit her because I never seen him hit her but probably because she didnt like confrontation.
Eventually she started working and me my brother and her moved into an apartment. Things were good.
Soon she started dating a guy from work. Which she didn’t want to tell us, but we knew of the guy and his wife. We had met them several times at their work events. Probably why she didnt tell me or my younger brother.
Soon he began staying at our apartment. I barely stayed at home. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and I stayed with his family.
He too was a drinker. One of his drunken moments was I had come home and he told me that my mom and him were having a baby and she was already 6 months pregnant.
6 months!!! Now you would think I would havr noticed. I did noticed she seemed heavier but she wasnt thin to start and she wore big shirts to hide it. I don’t even know that she went to the doctor until then.
I think she was scared to tell. She was 38 years old, and she couldnt tell me. I had to find out by her drunken boyfriend.
His alcoholism became worse. I would find little travel vodka bottles hidden everywhere. He was loud and would always be yelling at her. Me and him did not get along a majority of the time. I kept my distance.
It’s sad because I am nothing like my mom. I would never deal with any of the situations that she has allowed herself to be in. What is the sad part is would I be this strong if I didn’t see how she was treated and not want that for myself?
But at the same time for all she knew is I could turn out just like her and be in abusive relationships.
Before he became her boyfriend, mind you, he still isnt divorced 11 years later, he had a steady job. He later quit his job and never had a steady job after that.
He hurt himself and had tons of medical issues. All the jobs he would take were physical jobs and he couldnt work then for so long. Since my mom had another baby she quit her job because she had no daycare.
He no longer drinks. But he has so many medical issues he cant work. My mom kept putting off finding a job. They were evicted from two apartments. They are currently living in a motel with my 11 year old brother.
I welcomed my mom and brother to live with me in my apartment until they can save. She babysits for me and I just recently got her a pt retail job thanks to my friend in hr.
She refused to stay with me because they wanted to stay together. They have now run out of money for the motel and I cant afford to pay for it.
She had the nerve to ask for an advance. I live pay check to pay check and its not my boyfriends responsibility. Plus what is one more week at a motel. He had a friend that offered he stay with him for a bit. My mom suggested he and my brother stay with him for a little bit. She would stay with me.
Their motel room is paid until tomorrow. Apparently she suggested it and he said its too far from his doctor and he has doctors appointment. Its prolly a 35 minute drive.
So because he said no she is willing to stay at a shelter. I can’t house all of them. My landlord lives upstairs and my apartments tiny. Plus her boyfriend smokes and they stink like smoke.
I feel bad for feeling this way, but I am know longer sad about the situation. I have become so angry. Is that wrong?
I told her he could stay at his friend and she can stay with me and save up and in a month she could save for an apartment.
Instead she is thinking of getting a payday loan or staying at the church!!!
Am I insane? All because he isnt close enough to his doctor and she won’t put her food down. I’d wash my hands completely if I didnt need her to watch my baby.
Please let me know your thoughts. Am I in the wrong? Is it justifiable how I am feeling?
I am sorry for the long rant. It’s heavy shit.